This Isn’t Your Mother’s ‘Baby Blues’: The Facts About Perinatal and Postpartum Depression
No matter who you may have turned to for support, no one told you that you could feel this low – or maybe they did but you just couldn’t picture it happening to you. You pride yourself on beating the odds and surpassing everyone’s expectations. Being underestimated is your favorite position to play and you somehow use it as a supercharging fuel.
With all that being said, you never thought it would happen to you. Now, you’re feeling heavy and hopeless all the time and you feel guilty because this wasn’t the “magical” experience you hoped it’d be. Even though your mom, or aunt, or grandmother experienced the ‘Baby Blues’, they can’t seem to relate to how you’re feeling. Well, that’s because the hopelessness, heaviness, and guilt you’ve been feeling aren’t actually the baby blues – it’s depression.
This might be a heavy realization (or maybe you already diagnosed yourself with your MD from Grey’s Anatomy Medical School). What’s clear, however, is that you may be struggling with perinatal or postpartum depression. As someone who specializes in helping women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), I constantly hear my clients say the same things you probably say to yourself daily like, “I haven’t felt like myself for a while”, “I blame myself”, and “I wish I could stop the pain or escape it all.” My clients turned to self-help books, talking with friends, and prayer, yet they still didn’t fully feel like themselves and sunk even deeper into their depression. If this sounds like you, you may be wondering why you’re experiencing perinatal or postpartum depression and how to find your way out. In this blog post, I’ll walk you through what perinatal and postpartum depression are, what they are not, why you may be experiencing your symptoms, and how to get relief.
What are Perinatal Depression and Postpartum Depression?
While I use both names throughout this blog post, they aren’t interchangeable. Perinatal depression occurs during pregnancy and the first four weeks post-birth, while postpartum depression happens after the first four weeks and up to one year post-birth). That’s a long-winded way of saying that the only distinguisher between the two is when you experience your symptoms so it’s possible to feel depressed during the pregnancy and well into the first year after childbirth. However, perinatal and postpartum depression doesn’t stop automatically once your baby turns one year old - the symptoms can persist for years (becoming Major Depressive Disorder- MDD) and feel like your new ‘normal’. Whether you are pregnant, have recently given birth, or gave birth five years ago, you may still be struggling and you deserve relief.
Can You Get Postpartum Depression after Stillbirth or Adoption?
You also don’t need to give birth to a baby you can take home with you to experience postpartum depression; women who have experienced stillbirth or who have chosen to adopt (making the choice to adopt or placing a child for adoption) can experience it too.
Women at greatest risk of experiencing perinatal or postpartum depression include women who have been depressed before at some point in their life, experienced depression or anxiety during a previous pregnancy or postpartum period, don’t have supportive friends, family members, or partners in their life, experienced pregnancy and/or postpartum complications, are unhappy with their partners, feel overwhelmed managing their children and household, or struggle with their self-esteem. Unfortunately, the more risk factors you check off, the more likely you are to develop this PMAD. According to researchers, perinatal and postpartum depression affects about 10-20% of women every year, but this number increases to about 60% for Black women and women of color. Factors like systemic and institutionalized racism (i.e., Black maternal morbidity and strategically under-resourced neighborhoods) can increase one’s chances of developing this PMAD. Although depression is super skilled at making you feel like you’re alone, you are not, and chances are that you may know someone who also experienced it too.
Perinatal & Postpartum Depression Symptoms
While it is common to experience rapid changes to your body (and mood) during pregnancy and the postpartum period, the baby blues typically last for about two-to-three weeks. Persistent symptoms beyond this may be a good indicator of depression. I know, I know. Right now you might be saying “I hear you, Dr. Ruby, but are you sure I have this PMAD?” While I can’t (and won’t) diagnose you through this blog post, it may help to review the symptoms to get a better sense of what you’ve been experiencing.
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• Feeling restless or anxious
• Mood swings
• Sadness and crying
• Being impatient or irritable
• Feeling “off” or not like your usual self
• Reduced concentration
• Appetite problems
• Trouble sleeping
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• Depressed mood or severe mood swings
• Crying spells
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• Overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy
• Less interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Intense irritability and anger
• Fear that you're not a good mother
• Hopelessness
• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Difficulty concentrating or make decisions
• Restlessness
• Severe anxiety and panic attacks
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
Self-Care
If therapy doesn’t sound like the right fit right now, I hear you. Self-care, including proper nutrition, hydration, and adequate sleep, may help alleviate some of your symptoms. First off, self-care. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish – it's survival.
So, whether it's stealing five minutes of alone time, squeezing in a quick nap, or treating yourself to a bubble bath after a long day of diaper duty, please do it. It’s so much harder to show up for others when you literally have nothing left to give – even to yourself. However, a few minutes of alone time isn’t enough.
Proper nutrition, hydration, and sleep are important to your self-care routine. Essentially, neglecting these aspects of our health is like rocket fuel for PMADs. I know you’re barely getting enough sleep as it is and your strawberry Poptart diet is tasty as hell but this current routine, as convenient as it is, isn’t doing you any favors – it’s making your PMAD worse. Now, you’d immediately write me off if I told you to just “whip up a quick meal” or “sleep when baby sleeps”. It’s not that simple. However, making even the smallest changes to your routine (i.e., preparing protein-packed smoothies in your freezer, staying consistent with your perinatal/postnatal vitamins, not staying up an extra hour to watch the latest episode of “Real Housewives of Potomac”) can make a noticeable difference on your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Community
Last but not least, let's talk about the power of community. Surrounding yourself with other people who get it can be a game-changer. Whether it's joining a mommy-and-me group, hopping on a Zoom call with friends, or scrolling through online forums, finding places (in-person or virtual) where you feel seen and supported can make all the difference.
Ready to Reclaim Your Peace & Happiness In Parenting?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, constantly tired, and like you’ve lost yourself in the chaos of parenting, it’s time to take action. Imagine rediscovering who you are, finding joy in parenthood again, and feeling supported and understood. Parenthood shouldn’t be about surviving on empty. It’s about thriving and enjoying the journey. If you’re in New York State and struggling with postpartum depression, reach out to me now. I’d love to help you navigate this challenging phase and find balance and joy in your parenting journey.
Contact me now and let's get started.
Learn more about managing burnout through my blogs.
You and your family deserve to thrive, not just survive!
Other Services I Offer Online Anywhere in New York
In addition to helping moms manage postpartum depression, I offer a range of specialized services to support you through various life phases. Whether you need assistance with other postpartum and pregnancy concerns, therapy for women, burnout therapy, therapy for infertility and pregnancy loss, or family planning therapy, I'm here to guide you every step of the way. Let's work together to find balance and well-being in your life.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based Licensed Psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction. With a deep understanding of the complexities of burnout, Dr. Ruby provides a safe and supportive space for clients to explore their emotions and develop strategies to overcome exhaustion and regain their zest for life. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so that they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor's and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
