How a New York Burnout Therapist Prevents Burnout: An Inside Look at an Expert Approach to Sustainable Self-Care
I never had any intention of becoming a burnout therapist. In fact, I set out to become a psychologist to work with women and their growing families. Burnout was far from my purview during my graduate training until it smacked me in the face – I became burnt out myself. Looking back (and knowing what I know now), I started feeling burnt out in the second semester of my 1st year of graduate school. Unfortunately for me, I was in a five-year program. It hit me that something needed to change when one of my supervisors excitedly said, “You are 20% done with grad school!” at the end of my 1st year and I wanted to cry.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout in Myself
Here I was, a psychologist in training learning about how chronic stress impacts the human body and the role of self-care. But internally, I was at my wits end. I remember dreading the drive from my apartment to my graduate program (about a two-hour drive, round trip), waking up at 6 AM feeling sluggish and exhausted, falling asleep in my classes (which became a running joke in my cohort), and crashing out once I got home around 9PM-10PM each night. Although I was excited to learn and soak up all the knowledge that I could, I couldn’t imagine feeling like this for another four years.
I would be lying if I said that I turned everything around and never felt burnt out since my 1st year of graduate school. I felt it in my 3rd year, working two part-time jobs, taking classes, seeing clients, and commuting eight hours per week to gain specialized training in reproductive mental health. I noticed it again in my 4th year while applying for internships (this is about the equivalent of a medical school residency), and again in 5th year while on an internship working upwards of 45-50 hours some weeks while working other side jobs! And it didn’t end there.
Seeing Burnout in My Clients
While I was battling my own burnout, I also recognized that the clients I enjoyed working with most were also struggling to stay afloat themselves. They felt exactly how I did. They were feeling exhausted because they were taking care of their parents who could no longer manage living safely on their own. My clients were depleted from their demanding jobs as teachers, lawyers, financial advisors, and healthcare workers. And while they initially sought my services to address their anxiousness, low mood, or trauma histories, I would find myself looking at just how much they had on their plate that was making their anxiety, depression, or PTSD worse. This sounds like the setup to a great joke, doesn’t it? “When two burnt-out people walk into a room, you know that one of them is a therapist and the other is a nurse” *badum tsss*.
At some point, I had to face the music that I was unwell and counseling others for the same exact issue. I was a pro at walking my clients through what got in their way of saying ‘no’ more often and assessing how they prioritized their well-being. I had my ‘doing the work” spiel down pact and was really effective at helping my clients show up for themselves so that they could show up for others more effectively. Oh, the irony! After some time, I couldn’t stand the thought of being a hypocrite. And if I’m really, really honest, the saying, “When you know better, you do better” made me feel like such a fuck up. I did know better. In fact, by this time, I had my master’s in psychology to prove it. So, why wasn’t I doing better?
Why Self-Care Isn’t as Simple as It Seems
I wasn’t doing better because self-care isn’t that simple. I didn’t understand at the time why my cup of mint tea and occasional bath weren’t making my stress go away. Essentially, I was putting the equivalent of a bandaid on a gushing wound and expecting it to hold. It never did. Along the way, I learned a lot about self-care in practice. I learned that I needed to vary my routine based on the type of day I was having (i.e., that cup of tea and bath was helpful after a day of driving but didn’t do the trick the night before a huge exam). Saying ‘no’ was also self-care and every time I said ‘yes’ to things (even things that I was genuinely excited by), I was denying myself something in return (i.e., rest). I also had to de-program my brain from thinking that I needed to “do more” for my program, clients, friends, and family to be enough or worthwhile.
But my hardest lesson was learning that self-care often doesn’t feel good. As I sit here today, there are so many things that I don’t want to do. But you don’t need to be motivated to do self-care. You do need to be consistent. And honestly, the things my clients don’t want to do are the exact things they need to add to their self-care toolbox. Don’t want to go to brunch to catch up with your friends? Go. Are you squirming at the thought of going to the gym? Do it anyway. Don’t want to journal? You guessed it. Grab that pen. You can do things that feel hard or that you aren’t excited by. And let’s face it, what you are doing isn’t actually helping.
Consistency Over Motivation
Today, my self-care routine is far more proactive than reactive. Before I see my clients, I give myself two to three hours to wake up, do nothing, eat breakfast, stretch, watch some TV, and do whatever else I want to do. This isn’t one of those social media “Get Ready With Me” videos where folks are just making shit up. I actually do these things. I also practice mindfulness just before seeing my first client of the day and after seeing my last client (this one I sometimes forget to do). This helps me take stalk of anything I might be carrying into a session that could cloud my judgment or make it harder for me to pay attention (i.e., am I feeling tired? Hungry? Am I replaying something from the day before? Am I feeling sick?) and allows me to let go of any heavy feelings I might be carrying for my clients into my personal life.
Throughout my week, I lift weights, listen to music, watch a ton of reality tv (I have a very low bandwidth for intense shows on days that I see clients), connect with friends and family, and eat three meals a day. I’m still working on taking phone breaks and reducing my doom-scrolling time on the weekends, so I understand the hurdles we all face when we begin to make changes in our lives. I get it, I’m human too. I also keep in mind that the goal is progress and not perfection. And compared to my 1st year of graduate school, I am leaps and bounds ahead in my self-care game. If you’re ready to build a self-care plan that works for you, I’m happy to help at The Lavender Therapy.
Finding a Self-Care Plan That Works For You With The Help of a Burnout Therapist in New York
Feeling overwhelmed or burned out is more common than you might think—trust me, I’ve been there too. But you don’t have to go through it alone. If you're ready to take that first step toward reclaiming your energy and balance, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to create a self-care plan that actually works for you, one that goes beyond the surface and helps you feel like yourself again. Follow the steps below to get started:
Schedule a consultation with me today.
Learn more about burnout recovery by exploring my blogs.
Let’s start making real, lasting changes—because you deserve to feel good, inside and out.
Other Online Therapy Services I offer in NY
In addition to helping women manage burnout, I offer a range of specialized services to support you through various life phases. Whether you need assistance with postpartum and pregnancy concerns, therapy for women, family planning therapy, or infertility support, I'm here to guide you every step of the way. Let's work together to find balance and well-being in your life.
