How Family Planning Therapy Can Help Address Your Anxiety
You may be having this conversation more and more lately, perhaps with yourself and others:
“Can I afford to have a family right now?”
“I don’t have the energy for another one.”
“My partner and I can’t seem to agree on what we want our family to look like!”
“I never imagined myself parenting alone.”
“Will this treatment/surgery work this time?”
Questions about lifestyle changes, financial stability, fertility concerns, relationship readiness, and treatment waiting periods and outcomes can create emotional stress that feels overwhelming. Whether you are openly sharing your worries and fears with friends and family or suffering in silence, this isn’t a decision you have to make under duress, much less alone. This is where family planning therapy comes in. By working with a therapist who specializes in family planning, individuals and couples can explore their concerns, gain clarity, and develop strategies to manage anxiety. Here are some ways that family planning therapy can help you address your anxiety.
Understanding Anxiety in Family Planning
Worry and uncertainty are natural responses to major life changes, and family planning is no exception. However, if your worry and nervousness have taken over your life, you may be experiencing anxiety. Some common reasons you may feel anxious include:
Uncertainty about the future
Worrying about how a child will impact your career, relationship, or personal freedom (i.e., “Will I lose myself in parenthood?” or “What if I have to take more time off of work than anticipated?”). We are more likely to stick with what we know and avoid uncertainties. Adding a/another person to your life is a significant uncertainty that can make you second-guess your goals for the future.
Financial concerns – Stress about the costs associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a child are some of the leading causes of anxiety during this stage of life. According to a 2019 article in the New York Times, IVF treatment in New York state ranged between $12,000-$15,000, which has increased in 2025. The cost of adopting in New York can range between $10,000-$30,000 via New York-based adoption agencies.
Fertility challenges
The possibility of infertility, medical interventions, or pregnancy complications can increase emotional distress. According to the Association for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), infertility affects men and women almost equally in heterosexual couples. For example, in approximately 40% of infertile couples, the male partner is either the sole or a contributing cause of infertility. 33% of women in heterosexual and same-sex relationships experience infertility or pregnancy complications. Given the increasing rates of infertility, many individuals and couples experience anxiety when they are unable to conceive right away.
Relationship dynamics
Many people struggling with anxiety surrounding family planning worry that parenthood will affect their relationships, not only with their partner but also with their friends, family, and colleagues. Worries include differences in parenting and disciplining beliefs/practices (i.e., gentle parenting vs a ‘good ole’ fashion beating) with partners and family members, being passed over for promotions at work, and being left behind/left out of plans with friends.
Parental readiness
Having doubts is a part of being human. Consistently becoming overwhelmed by your doubts is a part of anxiety. Uncertainty about your emotional or practical readiness for parenthood can lead to anxiety and create ideas of a magical time frame that will lead to readiness (i.e., “I’ll be ready in 10 years but not now”).
For individuals who are already prone to anxiety, these concerns can feel even more intense. Family planning therapy provides a structured and supportive environment to process these emotions and develop coping mechanisms.
How Family Planning Therapy Helps Manage Anxiety
If you’re seeking support to parent independently or with a partner, family planning therapy can help you:
Clarify Your Goals and Values
One of the most significant sources of anxiety in family planning is uncertainty. A therapist, such as myself, can help you explore your values, beliefs, and long-term goals to gain clarity on what you truly want. Through guided discussions, you can identify what aspects of family planning align with your personal and relational goals, (i.e., “I actually never realized that it’s not important to me to have a baby that is genetically related to me” or “I value my spontaneous lifestyle and having a family so I would like to learn more about the realities of having an older child…can we talk about adoption?”). Laying out your values (and fears) can help reduce your anxiety.
Understand Your Family Planning Options
Family planning therapy can also provide education and insight into the various options available to you (and in 2025, the options are extensive). Whether you are exploring natural family planning, gestational carriers, assisted reproductive technologies, adoption, fostering, or deciding whether to have children at all, a therapist can help you weigh the pros and cons of each option based on your personal circumstances, values, and goals. While a therapist cannot and will not provide medical recommendations for medical treatments such as IVF, IUI, and gamete donations, they can help you understand the psychological impact of each treatment option (i.e., helping you imagine what it could feel like when your child becomes curious about their biological egg or sperm donor and give you coping skills to manage these feelings in the future if you are interested in gamete donations). Having a clear understanding of your choices can alleviate anxiety by allowing you to make informed and confident decisions about your future.
Explore The Root Cause of Your Anxiety
Some people start therapy with me thinking that I’ll be the person who’ll finally convince their partner that they should have a baby (or will talk them out of it). Believe it or not, the goal of family planning therapy isn’t to convince you (or your partner) to expand your family. The goal is to get you unstuck and feel empowered to choose a path aligned with your values. When we struggle to make a decision, we stay stuck with the expectation that more time will allow us to make a choice. That may be true if the goal is to save up a certain amount of money before expanding your family, for example. However, if you or your partner has the idea that I (or anyone else) can make you think otherwise, you are in for a treat.
Another fact that often surprises people is that anxiety doesn’t just keep us from expanding our family but can also convince us that we need to.
That’s right; sometimes, the drive to expand our families can come from an anxious place! Fear of our own mortality, uncertainties about our own futures (i.e., fear about who will take care of you when you’re older), fear for existing children (i.e., “I don’t want CHILD to be all alone when I die. Who will look out for them?”), and the urge to pass down knowledge/teachings/belief systems create an internal pressure to have or adopt children. Once the cause of the anxiety is identified, therapy can also help you challenge unhelpful thoughts, increase psychological flexibility (i.e., improving your ability to ‘roll with the punches’), develop a balanced perspective, and help you consider alternative ways to have your needs met (i.e., consider volunteering at a youth center or strengthening your relationship with young people in your family if you value passing down knowledge and you’ve decided that expanding your family really isn’t for you).
Family planning therapy can help you understand if your desire or aversion to having children is coming from an anxious place and will give you the tools to make a decision, leaving you unstuck and empowered.
Start Therapy for Family Planning in New York
Family planning is a deeply personal and sometimes anxiety-provoking journey. However, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Family planning therapy provides a supportive space to explore the root of your fears, clarify your goals, and develop strategies to manage anxiety effectively. By seeking professional guidance, you can approach family planning with greater confidence, emotional stability, and peace of mind. You can start your therapy journey with The Lavender Therapy by following these simple steps:
Learn more from my blogs here.
Start overcoming anxiety and plan for your family!
Other Services I Offer Anywhere in New York
Along with family planning, I provide a variety of specialized services to support you and your mental health. I also offer support with postpartum and pregnancy challenges, women’s therapy, and infertility and pregnancy loss support, I’m here to offer guidance and care every step of the way.
