Reclaiming Your Well-Being: Insights from a New York Area Online Burnout Therapist
Picture this: Your alarm goes off and you have just enough energy to murmur “noooooo” under your breath. But, these bills won’t pay themselves. You somehow muster up the courage to get out of bed to face yet another day, but you’re feeling more dreadful today than you did yesterday (and the day before that…and the day before that). You don’t really recognize yourself anymore. The thought of putting effort into your appearance feels like running a marathon (not appealing to you at all). And if you hear “just be grateful for what you do have” one more time, you will definitely lose your shit. Now you’re at work and while it was once exciting and the opportunity you prayed for, it has become mundane (at best) or you’ve been overworked. You’re taken for granted. You and overtime are locked in (but your pay doesn’t appear to be). And to top it all off, it seems like there is no end in sight. You’re burnt out. I get it, I’ve been there.
What Is Burnout?
In today’s fast-paced world, burnout is the new common cold – everyone has it. Burnout impacts so many people across various professions and walks of life. But what exactly is burnout? It’s more than just feeling tired or stressed—it's a state of emotional, physical, and mental dread and exhaustion often caused by prolonged periods of stress. While burnout can affect anyone, it's particularly common among those in demanding jobs, parents, caregivers, and individuals who consistently neglect self-care. Over 70% of workers have experienced burnout and women (46%) report higher levels of burnout than men (37%). And if you’re a parent? Congratulations, you’re a part of the five million Americans that are being run ragged by these damn kids every year (let’s be honest, you love them but toddlers and teenagers are assholes).
Risk factors for burnout (a.k.a. people who are most likely to feel burnout) include people with a heavy workload and who work long hours, people who struggle to establish and maintain a healthy work-life balance, people in the helping professions (i.e., health care), and those who feel powerless and undervalued. Individuals who don’t have supportive people in their lives or who are disconnected from their community are also likely to experience burnout.
Burnout Symptoms
Burnout can manifest in various ways, including feelings of cynicism, detachment from work or personal life, decreased performance, and a sense of being overwhelmed but no two people will experience it the same way. For some, burnout may show up physically – feeling heavy, body aches, headaches, stomach aches or ulcers, and chronic fatigue. For others, it can manifest more emotionally – feeling irritable, anxious, and hopeless. Though, you may be like most people who experience a combination of physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms. Recognizing the signs and symptoms of burnout is crucial for prevention and intervention. Symptoms include:
Physical symptoms
Headaches
Stomachaches/intestinal issues
Fatigue
Frequent illness
Reduced performance in everyday tasks
Withdrawal or isolation
Procrastination
Emotional symptoms
Helplessness and hopelessness
Decreased satisfaction
Feeling detached or alone in the world
Loss of motivation
Apathy
Low mood or mood swings
Anxiety or feeling overwhelmed
Emotional volatility and irritability
Cognitive Symptoms
Cynicism
Sense of failure or self-doubt
Negative self-talk
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Chronic Burnout
One thing about burnout is that it can take months (or years) to resolve on its own. So you may be thinking, “Dr. Ruby, if that’s the case, I’ve been burnt out since 2012 and I seem to be okay.” That’s a really great way to be in denial about your depression and anxiety. You absolutely read that correctly - if left unchecked, burnout can become depression (a.k.a. clinical depression or Major Depressive Disorder) and anxiety (a.k.a Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Other long-term consequences of burnout include chronic health conditions (e.g., ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease), substance misuse and addiction, and more. For some, untreated burnout can also trigger self-harm and/or thoughts of suicide.
If the impact on yourself wasn’t enough to get your attention, burnout also affects those around you. Chronic burnout (and all of the “fun” diseases that can manifest as a result) will make you less effective in your day-to-day life. You’re not producing the same A+ quality of work you were able to when you were “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.” It might not all be in your head – your partner, friends, or family members may actually be avoiding you because you’ve been more irritable and unpleasant to be around. And your parenting…let’s put it this way - neither you nor your kids can keep eating dino nuggets and they really miss seeing the happier version of you.
How To Recover From Burnout
Burnout Therapy in New York
As a therapist with expertise in burnout, my recommendation is always burnout therapy – so what, I’m biased! While you can google all of the articles that will preach down to you about the ‘power of self-care’ and the healing effects of a good night’s sleep, that doesn’t actually get to the root of the problem (especially if you want to treat your burnout without quitting your job). While these things are important (and I include them here), most people aren’t experiencing burnout because of one or two lifestyle choices. In my professional experience, people who experience burnout (and who go through cycles of burnout) typically struggle to feel like they are good enough at their core. They struggle to feel like good enough parents, partners, employees, business owners, you name it. Because they struggle to feel “good enough”, they also tend to be people-pleasers or people who struggle with control. As an aside, people who struggle with control at their core also really struggle to trust that other people can or will meet their needs if they were to give up control (I’ll say more about this in another blog post). Whether you fall into my “good enough”/people camp or my caretaking/control camp, my job is to help you understand yourself, your beliefs, and behavior patterns in a deeper way – because you didn’t just wake up one day feeling burnt out…it was a very involved process (trust me).
As your burnout therapist, I’ll also help you identify the roles and responsibilities on your plate (because not all of them may be obvious) and help you decide if you want to keep showing up in these ways. Maybe you’re an overworked millennial in corporate America who everyone keeps turning to for ‘therapy’ during lunch breaks. Maybe you’re the chronically tired parent who also keeps getting volunteered for class field trips (and honestly how many more times can you keep going to the same museum). Either way, there are ways in which people around you ask or demand that you show up in that may be adding to your overflowing plate. I’ll help you figure out what those things are and help you say “no” without feeling guilty or selfish. I’ll also help you develop healthier coping skills and help you identify your burnout warning signs (more on this below) to help prevent future burnout episodes.
Change Your Self-care Routine
You would NEVER take your two-year-old on a full day of errands if they only slept four hours the night before, were cranky this morning, and had three tantrums all before noon (or you could, you’d just immediately regret it). You would also never try to close a deal with an important client knowing that they are nursing a migraine and hadn’t eaten all day. Naturally, you’d tend to your toddler or your client because you benefit most when they’re at their best. So why do you deserve any less? Self-care is a great way to recharge and restore ourselves with all of the hard work that we do. You wouldn’t leave your house with your phone on 5%, so why leave with you on 5%? Getting adequate nutrition (two to three meals plus two snacks), sleep (eight to ten hours for adults…no really, you need that much), proper exercise (about 30 minutes to an hour daily), and hygiene maintenance are vital to one’s self-care routine. However, you can’t breakfast and bubble bath your way through burnout. Depending on the type of day you had, you might need to do more. Why? Because you can’t keep putting band-aids over bullet wounds and burnout is one hell of a wound (I’m full of burnout metaphors as you can see). Band-aids (the small daily self-care things you do like going for a walk or pausing to take deep breaths) are great at treating small cuts (e.g., getting a parking ticket or getting stuck on a train for 20 minutes), but somedays you’ll need stitches (e.g., taking a personal day or finally telling your friends how you’ve been feeling) or surgery (e.g., going to therapy).
Delegating, Boundary-Setting, and Saying ‘No’ Often
There is a lot on your plate and shit is spilling over. Maybe you’ve thought to yourself that you “just need to be stronger” or “everyone else is balancing” so you should too. Chugging through burnout isn’t the sign of honor or strength that you think it is – it’s a sign that your body is breaking down and is asking you for help. So you can’t quit your job (as an employee, or parent, or friend) but you may be able to delegate more often than you think. This is especially hard for my caretaker/control camp – you’ve been shown time and time again that you won’t be taken care of (or taken care of well) if you leave things up to other people. However, where you are now also isn’t working. With burnout therapy (or on your own), you can identify the things that can be taken off of your plate (e.g., saying no to lunchtime ‘therapy’ for your co-workers). Will people be mad at you? Of course! No one likes to be denied access if they have 24/7 access before. However, you can’t keep going at this rate. Establishing your boundaries, delegating responsibility to others where you can, and saying ‘no’ to things people will try to push off on you will help decrease your burnout symptoms. While it’s hard, your future self will thank you.
Identify What Makes You Full
Understanding what makes us feel whole and complete outside of our roles and responsibilities can help combat burnout. It’s okay if your career or responsibilities aren’t what you’d thought they’d be. Maybe your passion isn’t your purpose right now. That’s okay and personally, I don’t think that they need to be. We don’t have to feel super pumped to go to work or feel excited to show up for other people every day – it’s completely normal not to. What is important is that we define ourselves and our lives for ourselves. Notice the things that bring you joy and purpose by making a “Joy List”. Is it sunshine? Vulnerable conversations? Giving back? Watching classic shows from your childhood? Find those things that make you feel like you. Also think about the things that make you feel prioritized, powerful, and capable. Burnout is amazing at making you feel worthless and inept so another way to fight burnout is to remind yourself of all that you are.
Burnout Prevention for New York Women
Yay, you did it. You defeated burnout and you feel the pep-in-your-step and zeal for life again. Now you may be wondering how to stay the course. First, it’s important to understand your burnout warning signs. As I mentioned earlier in this blog post, burnout doesn’t ‘just happen’. There are, quite literally, levels to this shit.
Notice Your ‘Burnout Warning Signs’
Think of burnout like a meter: there is a green (optimal well-being), yellow (mild burnout), orange (moderate burnout), and red zone (severe burnout) and each color indicates the state of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Most people tend to notice when their burnout when they’re in the orange-to-red zone but moderate-to-severe burnout can be prevented if we are aware of what’s in the yellow. Personally, when I take longer than 24 hours to respond to an email and when I’m behind MTV’s “The Challenge”, I know something’s up. Your yellow might look like less restful sleep, working through lunch, falling behind on your meal preps, or skipping Thursday night trivia for more than two weeks in a row. Think about those subtle indicators that might tell you that something is off or unusual. Then identify your green, orange, and red zone signs. What is different about you when you feel at your best? How do you parent, employee, friend, and partner differently? How do you show up for you differently? What about when you're feeling moderate and severe burnout? Understanding these signs can be a great way to monitor and identify future episodes of burnout.
Continue Setting Boundaries and Saying ‘No’
If you’re like me, when you’re feeling better and more like yourself, you want to do more. You want to say yes to more playdates. You’ve re-downloaded that dating app for the 1,000th time but this time you’re ready to find your match. You’ve signed up to lead your think-tank next week. But now you’re starting to feel tired again (and maybe noticing a few yellow zone warning signs). That’s because like most people, when you feel better, you add things back to your plate that you’ve already offloaded. Why pile on the same (or new) shit back onto your plate? Remember, you don’t feel better because you are better – you feel better because you’re doing better. Burnout prevention is active and ongoing. Keep up that self-care, continue going to burnout therapy, and monitor how you’re feeling. But most of all, keep saying ‘no’. Soon, you’ll notice that you can better cope with the demands of modern life and maintain a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle.
Ready to feel like you again? Get started with burnout therapy in New York, NY
Feeling burnt out and can’t seem to find your way back to the vibrant, energetic you? You’re not alone, and you certainly don’t have to face this alone. As a New York burnout therapist, I understand the struggle and I’m here to help you navigate it. If you’re ready to take control and start feeling like yourself again, reach out to Lavender Therapy today. Together, we can create a personalized plan to address the root causes of your burnout and help you regain balance and joy in your life.
Schedule a consultation with me and start your journey to recovery.
Explore my blog for insightful articles and practical tips for managing burnout.
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Other services I offer in the New York area
Life brings many unique challenges, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. In addition to burnout therapy, I offer specialized services to help you navigate through different phases and experiences. Anywhere in New York, I offer therapy for postpartum and pregnancy concerns, therapy for women, and family planning therapy.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based Licensed Psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction. With a deep understanding of the complexities of burnout, Dr. Ruby provides a safe and supportive space for clients to explore their emotions and develop strategies to overcome exhaustion and regain their zest for life. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so that they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor's and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
