Summer Survival Guide: Managing Parenting Burnout When School's Out
When I think about summer, I don’t think about sitting at an outdoor café, sipping on a St. Germain Spritz. I don’t dream about reading a good book on the beach or driving down I-95 with my windows cranked down, blasting Frank Ocean. No. I think about parents and the unique hellscape that is summer breaks. Okay, I think about all of the above, and I hold a lot of space for my burnt-out parents when school is out.
If you are a parent with school-age children, this burnout is all too familiar to you: your kids are constantly telling you how bored they are; you search Buzzfeed for elaborate ways to entertain them all the while working and trying to maintain your home (good luck with that); you are running out of groceries much faster than you did when the kids were in school and you are fairly certain that your kids have simply decided to see how much they can eat before you lose your shit; peace and quiet or “alone time”? You don’t know her anymore.
Understanding Parenting Burnout
Parenting burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that all parents will experience at some point in their children’s lives. That’s right, you are not the only one who will dread summer break or feel sick and tired of your kids. Though many factors contribute to this type of burnout, burnout during summer break is directly related to a lack of childcare support when it is needed most. On top of that, our culture promotes the idea that parents should be delighted to have kids and should only feel “super happy” emotions because they chose to have children. Unfortunately, parents tend to feel guilty and ashamed that they are struggling. Let me be the first to say that two things can be true here: you love your kids AND you are tired as hell.
Like other forms of burnout (e.g., career and relationship burnout), you may feel irritable, less patient, anxious or overwhelmed, hopeless, and less motivated to do everyday tasks like getting out of bed, showering, and cooking. My clients notice also that they tend to fight more with their children, partners, and friends during the summer months. They excel at judging themselves for not creating “lasting memories” like they had growing up and wish they had the bandwidth to engage their kids in things outside of Netflix and YouTube. But because they don’t, they beat themselves up, which inevitably reinforces the idea that they are “bad parents.” Welcome to the vicious cycle of burnout.
With school out, the daily structure that both you and your family have come to know is gone, leaving you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. With a strategic approach, summer can be a time of joy and bonding, rather than stress and exhaustion. Here’s your ultimate summer survival guide to managing parenting burnout when school’s out.
Structure + Flexibility
You might be the mom who has every activity penciled down to the hour or the parent who goes with the wind. While both have their advantages and disadvantages, you may find yourself struggling to “find your groove.” However, structure and flexibility are our friends here and hold equal importance. Creating a daily or weekly schedule with opportunities for flexibility not only provides kids with a sense of routine but also helps you manage your time and expectations. Here are ways you can add flexibility to your daily or weekly schedule.
Encourage Child-Led Activities:
Kids with active imaginations tend to be really good at coming up with ideas about what they would like to do. So put those imaginations to work and involve your children in planning daily activities. Allowing children to choose activities gives them a sense of control and reduces the likelihood of tantrums and resistance. It also teaches them valuable planning and decision-making skills. If you have multiple kids, you can designate one day or time of day per kid to decide the next activity. Experiment with different configurations to determine what works best for your family. If your kids have a hard time making decisions, you can give them two options to choose from and designate who gets to pick next. And if all else fails, you can have everyone write down several ideas and pull ideas throughout the week.
Schedule Independent Play Time:
Independent or “free” play encourages children to entertain themselves, bolsters creativity and problem-solving skills, and gives you a chance to relax or tackle other tasks.
Embrace Imperfection:
It’s important to let go of the idea that you need to be the “perfect parent” with neatly planned activities. Sometimes the best days are those that unfold naturally without a rigid agenda. Embrace the chaos and understand that it’s okay to not accomplish all that you set out to, watch an extra hour (or two or three) of TV, or switch activities altogether. Nothing is worse than faking enthusiasm and forcing kids to cooperate in 90-degree heat.
If the word “schedule” makes the hair on your neck stand up, then think of it as a guide. If you don’t get to everything (or anything) that was planned, that’s okay. It’s easy to beat yourself up when things don’t pan out with our expectations, but I want to encourage you to think of these moments as data rather than personal failures. Your kids really enjoyed Ziplock finger painting and weren’t really interested in watching Mulan? That’s important information! Now, you know that your kids enjoy being more hands-on and you won’t have to experience the personal hell that is trying to get your kids to sit still for two hours. Congratulations, you have now saved yourself from yet another uphill battle.
I’m also here to let you know that you don’t have to come up with super original, totally unique ideas. What kid-friendly events are happening in your backyard? Public libraries (including New York City Public Libraries) and community centers have excellent family-friendly activities planned throughout the summer months. You can also take advantage of free day camps, sports clinics, volunteer programs, and local events. These activities can provide structured, supervised fun for your kids and give you a breather.
Prioritize Self-Care:
As a parent, it’s easy to put your needs last. If you are like the clients I see, self-care may feel selfish or like “bad parenting.” Yet, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Self-care is crucial to managing your mental well-being, which impacts how you engage with your children. In essence, self-care is the best preventative recourse from parenting burnout during the summer. Carving out time for yourself, even if just 15 minutes a day, can make a significant difference. “And where will I get this time,” you ask? During independent play.
Mindset Shift:
Changing your mindset from “everything must be perfect” to “good enough is great” can alleviate a lot of pressure. If there is one thing I want you to take away from this post, it’s that you’re burnout’s job is to convince you that you aren’t doing enough/are good enough. You are. Remember, it’s the quality of time spent together that truly matters and according to attachment research (the field of research that talks about how we can raise healthy, confident adults), we only need to get it right 30% of the time. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.
Managing parenting burnout during the summer months requires a balance of planning, self-care, support, and flexibility. By creating a structure, involving your children in the planning process, prioritizing your needs, and embracing imperfection, you can turn summer into a time of joy and bonding rather than stress and exhaustion.
If you live in New York State and are struggling with parental burnout this summer, contact The Lavender Therapy today. As a burnout therapist, I’d love to help.
Don’t Let Parent Burnout Take Over Your Summer!
Summer is supposed to be a time of joy and bonding, not stress and exhaustion. If the chaos of summer break has you feeling overwhelmed and burnt out, you're not alone—and you don't have to navigate it alone either. Don’t let parental burnout steal your summer joy. Take the first step towards a calmer, more fulfilling summer. Let’s work together to create a balanced, serene New York experience for you and your family.
Schedule a free consultation with me here so I can get to know your story better!
Develop strategies that work just for you and your family to prevent burnout.
Enjoy the summer with your kids by finding time for self-care. It’s your summer too!!
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In addition to helping parents with burnout, I offer a range of specialized services tailored to meet your unique needs. Whether you need support with postpartum and pregnancy concerns, therapy for women, or family planning therapy, I’m here to guide you through every phase and experience. Let's work together to find balance and well-being in your life.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based licensed psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor’s and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
