Why Striving for Perfection Can Lead to Burnout
I always say that anxiety, perfectionism, and control are like siblings or really, really close first cousins – where you find one, you’ll find the others. And when I hear anyone say that they are a “perfectionist” or “Type A” person, my ears immediately perk up because I hear just another way of saying “I am anxious all the time and calm my anxiety down by being in control.” Don’t believe me? Think about your perfectionism:
What are you like when things don’t go according to plan?
How do you react when there is no structure or routine?
If there was a group project or work assignment, can you let someone else take the lead?
Do you ever not try to pre-plan how things can go “wrong” in the future? How often do you try to think of ways to prevent “bad” outcomes?
If there was no objective way to evaluate your effort or accomplishments at work, school, or at home, would you be alright with that?
When you hear the phrase “go with the flow”, what is your immediate reaction?
If you said anything to the likes of, “I would lose it”, “I would never end up in any situation where that could happen”, or “The whole world would end” (I am being hyperbolic with the last one…kind of). Then, you may be coming to the realization that ‘perfectionism’ is a euphemism for anxiety. The relationship between perfectionism and anxiety is also backed by research. Studies show that perfectionism and anxiety have a cyclical relationship – the desire to be “perfect” can increase anxiety, which in turn can lead to the need to be even more “perfect”. Over time, anxiety can turn into chronic anxiety which is linked to burnout. Perfectionism also doesn’t stop at striving for A+s. Perfectionists also tend to want to prevent aversive, or negative, outcomes so they are constantly living in the future and pre-planning how to circumvent potential issues. Yup, another perfect recipe for burnout. Here are some other ways perfectionism can cause burnout.
If It’s Not Perfect, Then It’s Failure (Psychological Rigidity)
I see many perfectionists in my practice and one thing holds true for them all – if they don’t execute an idea or project exactly as they planned/imagined it, any other result is perceived to be a failure. I am not being hyperbolic here. For example, many of my clients say that if they received an “above average” rating on a work evaluation (rather than “exceeds all standards”), even in just one domain, they would internalize this as criticism or a slight to their work ethic. I also hear that even a 99% score or rating is a failure because it is not 100% (if that was the goal they set out to accomplish). What my clients are inadvertently telling me is that they have a very narrow window of tolerance for what “success” looks like. Also, anything outside of that window immediately equals failure. This is the essence of psychological rigidity. The inability to mentally adjust one’s expectations, attitude, or behaviors based on the circumstances (i.e., realizing that the “above average” rating was in only one domain out of the other 12 areas they were assessed in; acknowledging that a 99% is still a very high score).
Non-perfectionists can adapt or change their expectations, attitudes, and behaviors as needed (psychological flexibility) and generally have a wider window of tolerance for what success looks like. Imagine a gauge that is 33% green (indicating optimal outcomes), 33% yellow (indicating acceptable outcomes), and 33% red (indicating failure). While their gauge is not necessarily comprised of this exact breakdown, non-perfectionists tend to have a larger window for what achievement looks like (in this scenario, there is a greater possibility to perceive an outcome as “acceptable” or “successful” because the green and yellow portions of the gauge occupy more space combined, compared to the “failure” space alone). For perfectionists, this gauge is made up of just green and red and the green portion of the gauge is a tiny sliver (1% of the entire gauge). Think of those arcade games where you could win the latest Xbox console, but you had to hit the tiniest green mark while avoiding the red. Did you ever win anything? Neither do perfectionists.
Unfortunately for perfectionists, studies show that psychological rigidity is directly linked to burnout. If most of your perceived efforts feel like failures, you may begin to feel helpless, hopeless, anxious, and ineffective which are all factors that contribute to burnout.
The Bar Keeps Moving
It’s a no-brainer that perfectionists have high standards for themselves. Psychologically speaking, these expectations are unrealistic because the goal, bar, or finish line is constantly moving. You read 20 books last year and are no longer satisfied with that achievement so now it’s time to read 40. You made the most money you have ever made last year and this year, you have to double it. You were able to complete all of today’s tasks and happened to put away your laundry (finally); now let’s see if tomorrow you can do the same but more. You may be thinking, “These things sound like goals to me” and that’s because they are. However, for perfectionists, once a goal is accomplished, it quickly loses its shine, warmth, and appeal. The thing you once worked your finger to the bone to achieve might as well be last week’s news. For perfectionists, you are only as good as your next accomplishment. Perfectionists tend to be future-oriented (i.e., thinking about “what’s next”) and struggle to pause and savor the present moment (and accomplishment). If you are a perfectionist, then it may be worth realizing that the finish line is constantly moving but you are the only one pushing it further and further back. When it feels like there is no end in sight or what you have accomplished is not good enough, you are prone to experiencing chronic stress and anxiety – significant contributors to burnout.
Perfectionists also rarely focus their attention on just one thing at a time. In most cases, perfectionists try to apply the same amount of effort (usually 100%) in many aspects of life at the same time, especially if it aligns with their values. You may notice that you aspire to be the best mom, sister, employee, or employer and are struggling to exert your full attention, effort, and energy equally in all these domains. You may be able to maintain your high standards in the beginning, but the human body was not designed to sustain high or intense levels of output for long periods. For perfectionists, the body will begin to release adrenaline and cortisol hormones (which play very critical roles in your body’s response to stress) over time. As you may already know from my other blog posts, if you do not prioritize your mental well-being, your body absolutely will. Chronic stress is linked to burnout as well as breathing difficulties, indigestion/heartburn, blurry vision, chest pains, high blood pressure, and other cardiovascular diseases.
Reinforcing The Idea That You Aren’t Good Enough
When perfectionists keep pushing the bar higher or the finish line farther back, there is a subtle, yet powerful reinforcement around the idea that the way you naturally and effortlessly exist is not good enough. When I say, “naturally and effortlessly”, I don’t mean “be a couch potato and do nothing all day.” I mean, how do you naturally show up in this world when you are not in a constant state of stress, depression, and anxiety? For my lifelong perfectionists (you’re true to this, not new to this), a lot would have to go wrong before you hit rock bottom. Yet, in your mind, rock bottom could happen with one wrong move. With failure constantly looming around the corner, there is a constant drive to achieve which reinforces the idea that all that you have done to date is meaningless or worthless. And believe me, your mind will believe whatever you’re constantly feeding it (regardless of whether you are cognizant of this subtle message or not). Cue the low self-esteem. Studies show that low self-esteem can lead to negative self-talk, self-doubt, and fear of failure which are components of burnout.
The need to believe that you are “good enough” also directly relies on external validation – awards, positive reviews or ratings, high scores, or monthly shoutouts. Perfectionists tend to rely heavily on external (outside of oneself) sources of validation rather than internal (inside oneself) sources. They also believe that if they receive enough validation, they will believe that they are worthwhile. This is far from reality. Unfortunately for perfectionists, low self-esteem (and anxiety) are insatiable. So, perfectionists constantly rely on reassurance, reminders, or affirmations of how “good” and “worthwhile” they are as people. Essentially, think of perfectionists as an early 2000s Hummer and external validation as diesel fuel. If you are a perfectionist, you’ll find yourself essentially living at the gas station because the previous accolade or acknowledgment could only take you so far. If you didn’t get this reference, all you need to know is that Hummers are notorious for their shitty gas mileage.
Final Thoughts as a Burnout Therapist in Manhattan, NY
Understanding the intricate relationship between perfectionism and burnout is crucial for fostering a healthier mindset and lifestyle. By recognizing that the relentless pursuit of perfection often stems from an underlying anxiety, you can begin to shift your focus from rigid expectations to more flexible ideas of “success. Embracing the present moment and celebrating your achievements — no matter how small — can help alleviate the pressure to chase the next “big win”. When you believe that you are good enough, you can break the cycle of perfectionism and burnout, paving the way for a more fulfilling and less stressful life.
How Burnout Therapy Can Help
If you're nodding along to any of these descriptions, it might be time to consider how perfectionism and anxiety are impacting your daily life. The relentless pursuit of perfection can feel like it's keeping you in control, but in reality, it’s fueling burnout and anxiety. Therapy can help you break free from this exhausting cycle, offering tools to embrace flexibility and self-compassion. You deserve to feel more than just "good enough" — you deserve peace of mind. Ready to take the first step?
Learn more about burnout recovery by reading my blogs.
Let’s work together to create a healthier, more balanced approach to success.
Other Online Therapy Services I offer in New York
In addition to helping women manage burnout, I offer a range of specialized services to support you through various life phases. Whether you need assistance with postpartum and pregnancy concerns, therapy for women, family planning therapy, or infertility support, I'm here to guide you every step of the way. Let's work together to find balance and well-being in your life.
About the Author: Burnout Psychologist Dr. Ruby
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based Licensed Psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. With a focus on helping clients reconnect with themselves and find effective self-care strategies, Dr. Ruby provides personalized therapy to address the root causes of burnout. Dr. Ruby is also dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so that they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor's and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
