Worrying for Two: Tips and Tricks for Managing Pregnancy Anxiety Part 2
Pregnancy anxiety is a common experience among expectant mothers. In part one of this two-part series, we explored some of the triggers behind this anxiety, such as fears about parenting, concerns over complications, personal traumas, and the pressure of creating a safe environment for baby. In this post, we’ll focus on practical strategies for managing pregnancy anxiety. Understanding triggers, practicing mindfulness, and putting coping strategies in place can help reduce anxiety.
Managing Pregnancy Anxiety
Fearing Thoughts = Good
This may sound ass-backward (but take it from me, a lot of things in psychology are). When I meet with clients to address any concern, I am typically listening closely to answer one big question – are they scared shitless by their own thoughts and feelings? In psychology, we call this ego-dystonic. When something is ego-dystonic, it means that your thoughts or feelings are opposite to your goals and how you typically think about yourself. Put it this way: if you think of yourself as someone who tries their best to be a good person, you’ll feel very uncomfortable at the thought of kicking a puppy or stealing from your grandmother. That’s because you think of yourself as “good” and know that these actions are ‘dystonic’ or not in sync with the concept of being a good person. The same thing applies to pregnancy anxiety. So, while your anxiety has become your personalized torture device, it lets me know that you don’t actually want to do the things that your mind has convinced you that you will do. So whatever the thought, feeling, or dream that you are having (and are convinced makes you a fucked up person), know that your discomfort is a very healthy sign. As I say to my clients, “If you weren’t afraid at the thought of punting baby like a football, we’d be having a very different conversation right now.”
So now you know that your reaction to your thoughts and feelings are healthy. You may now be thinking, “How does this actually help my anxiety?” Understanding that your concern is a healthy reaction may help to reduce the anxiety as well as the shame and guilt around your thoughts and feelings. If anxiety, control/perfectionism, and people-pleasing are siblings, shame and guilt are anxiety’s first cousins. Sidenote, if there is an Inside Out 3, Shame and Guilt should totally be twins because they seem indistinguishable until you look closer. So many women and parents (rookies or veterans to pregnancy and parenthood) tend to isolate themselves from their community and struggle to seek help because they are consumed with shame and guilt for having doubts, fears, or worries during pregnancy. Feeling ashamed or guilty on top of feeling anxious is essentially like beating yourself up because you beat yourself up. It’s a double whammy and the cycle never ends (now you’re beating yourself up, for beating yourself up, for beating yourself up…). When we can recognize that having an anxious reaction to uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is psychologically healthy, we can liberate ourselves from the negative cycle that can make our anxiety (and lives) worse.
Minimize Social Media Use
I’ll say this until I’m blue in the face—social media is often not our friend, especially when we’re feeling anxious. It’s easy to get caught up in perfectly curated pregnancy and parenting content on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook and forget that these platforms don’t represent real life. And let’s not even start on the comment sections!
If you’re already feeling anxious, scrolling through social media can amplify that worry, making you feel even more stressed and uncertain. While supportive online groups and forums can be helpful during pregnancy, beware of doom-scrolling. Notice how you feel before and after social media sessions. If you’re more anxious afterward, try setting daily time limits on the platforms you frequent the most.
Understand That You Are Not Your Thoughts or Feelings & Seek Support
Not only is anxiety really good at planning for things you can’t see, it’s also really good at tricking you into feeling alone. You are not alone. Pregnancy anxiety affects one in five women while chronic anxiety impacts one in four pregnant women. Anxiety is really, really good at letting women suffer in silence because they feel shame. I love watching the Baby Expo meltdown scene from What to Expect When You’re Expecting not only because it shows that pregnancy isn’t roses for everyone, but also highlights that it’s only when we open up about our feelings that we break free from anxiety and shame. If you haven’t watched the movie, spoiler alert: right after this scene, there is a long line of pregnant women who thank Elizabeth Bank’s character for being honest about how much pregnancy sucks.
As always, seek support. In my opinion (as well as the opinion of every psychology research article, ever), having support is one of the greatest protective factors against pregnancy anxiety. Essentially, finding people who get you and want to show up for you helps reduce anxiety tremendously. Your community can be a therapist, such as myself, close friends, family members, co-workers, and even online groups and forums. You don’t have to be face-to-face to know that someone else gets what it’s like to be you. If you would like to learn more about pregnancy anxiety or would like support to address yours, contact me today. I’d love to help.
Ready to Reclaim Your Peace & Happiness In Parenting?
If you’re tired of worrying about the things you can’t see for you and baby, it’s time to take action. Imagine rediscovering who you are, finding joy in your pregnancy, and feeling supported and understood. Pregnancy shouldn’t be about worrying for 9-10 months. If you’re in New York State and struggling with pregnancy anxiety, reach out to me now. I’d love to help you navigate this challenging phase and find balance and joy in your pregnancy and parenting journey.
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Other Services I Offer Online Anywhere in New York
In addition to helping moms manage pregnancy anxiety, I offer a range of specialized services to support you through various life phases. Whether you need assistance with other postpartum and pregnancy concerns, general support, burnout, infertility and pregnancy loss, or family planning, I'm here to guide you every step of the way. Let's work together to find balance and well-being in your life.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based licensed psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction and parent burnout. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor’s and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
