Is Postpartum Anxiety Affecting Your Bond with Your Baby? How Counseling Can Help
Let’s be honest here – postpartum anxiety is a bitch. Postpartum anxiety is a unique type of persistent worry and nervousness that affects parents toward the end of pregnancy and into postpartum recovery. Studies show that postpartum anxiety affects about 20% of women each year, and up to 34% when including those with partial symptoms. With such high numbers, you might have found yourself experiencing it at some point.
Understanding Postpartum Anxiety
Unlike other forms of anxiety, postpartum anxiety is specifically related to concerns about parenthood, including fears around parenting competence, anticipating a baby’s needs, and preventing harm. However, as with other anxiety disorders, postpartum anxiety involves exaggerated worry about the future that feels unmanageable. Symptoms may include intense worry, feelings of dread, racing thoughts, and an overwhelming sense of fear about your baby's health and safety.
Common signs of postpartum anxiety include:
Obsessive worries about baby's well-being, even when there is no apparent danger
Trouble sleeping, despite adequate opportunities to do so
Irritability or feeling on edge all the time
Intrusive thoughts or visions of something bad happening to baby
Physical symptoms like a racing heart, dizziness, or shortness of breath
With postpartum anxiety, the intensity of the worry is typically out of proportion to the actual risk. For example, you may worry about dropping baby over a balcony, even if you don’t have access to one (actual risk). Yet, you may experience regular nightmares about harming baby in some accidental way and have now covered your floors in blankets, rugs, cushions, mats, and pads of all sorts due to the intense worry. This constant worry can prevent you from being fully present with your child, leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
How Postpartum Anxiety Affects Bonding
Bonding with your baby is a crucial part of their emotional and psychological development. Through this early connection, babies begin to learn trust, security, and love. However, postpartum anxiety can create barriers to bonding, as constant fear and worry may cause you to withdraw emotionally, even though you love your child deeply or desire to. This is particularly true for women who adopt or conceive via surrogacy as they may feel deprived of ‘typical’ early bonding experiences (i.e., feeling attuned to their body and “knowing” they were pregnant before taking any tests, feeling baby move or kick, and assigning baby personality traits).
Research shows that women who experience postpartum anxiety are more likely to provide inconsistent care to baby (due to stress and anxiety) which leads to poor bonding. To put it plainly, you’re more likely to struggle to bond with baby because you are so preoccupied about bonding altogether.
In some cases, postpartum anxiety manifests as hypervigilance—feeling like you must constantly monitor every movement of your baby to prevent harm. While this might seem protective, it can actually heighten anxiety and prevent you from enjoying moments with your baby. Conversely, some mothers may feel so overwhelmed that they avoid caregiving tasks, leaving the responsibilities to a partner or family member. The stress and emotional exhaustion caused by postpartum anxiety can also impact breastfeeding, sleep routines, and daily care tasks, all of which are essential for creating a secure attachment with baby. Over time, this can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation, further distancing you from baby.
The Role of Counseling in Postpartum Anxiety
Postpartum anxiety and depression counseling is one of the most effective ways to manage postpartum anxiety and rebuild the bonding process. A trained therapist, such as myself, can help you understand the underlying causes of your anxiety and provide you with practical tools to cope with it.
Increase Your Awareness of Your Anxiety and Thought Patterns
Although anxiety feels random, it isn’t. It is patterned which means that it is very predictable. This is great news for you and bad news for your postpartum anxiety. In counseling, you’ll be able to identify your anxious thought patterns, including the root of your anxiety, triggers, and factors that improve and worsen your symptoms. You’ll also learn how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy worry (i.e., “I’m worried about RSV since there have been new cases in my neighborhood” vs “I am worried about RSV but there have been no cases found in my city or state”).
You’ll also learn other ways your postpartum anxiety shows up in your life (because it rarely ever stops at baby). Do you notice that you hate leaving baby with your very competent partner, parent, or babysitter (even just for a few minutes)? Ever notice that you are snappier and more irritable at work, when grocery shopping, or other times when you don’t have direct access to your baby? How have your relationships (including romantic, familial, professional, spiritual, and platonic) been affected due to your postpartum anxiety? Increasing awareness of these patterns will help you understand how anxiety affects different aspects of your life and relationships.
Regain Control with Coping Skills
In counseling, you’ll also learn skills to manage your postpartum anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective treatment for anxiety that focuses on changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviors. With postpartum anxiety, CBT can help you identify specific triggers (e.g., fears about your baby's health) and develop strategies to manage your anxiety when those triggers arise. Over time, this can help reduce the intensity of your anxious thoughts and allow you to bond more easily with your child.
You may also learn mindfulness techniques, which help you stay grounded during distressing moments. Practicing mindfulness allows you to be present without reacting to your anxious thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of checking the baby monitor multiple times an hour, you’ll learn to trust your systems and tolerate your anxiety. Mindfulness can also help you become more aware of physical symptoms, such as a racing heart, and negative self-talk, like “I’m failing as a mom.” Through non-judgmental awareness, you’ll gain skills to respond to anxiety without letting it control you.
Understand Child Development Milestones
You wouldn’t be feeling anxious if you didn’t want to take good care of your baby. In fact, postpartum anxiety often stems from a deep desire to care well for your baby and “get it right.” Unfortunately, infant development isn’t linear; there are periods of progression followed by brief regressions. Without understanding this, it’s easy to doubt yourself during regressions (i.e., “Maybe I shouldn’t have let him watch Bluey on my phone for five hours yesterday”, “Perhaps my sister was right and I shouldn’t have introduced her to solids so quickly”, and “Were those TikTok mom’s right about those Montessori toys? Should I have introduced my toddler to a self-run kitchen?”). Counseling can provide clarity on what to expect with child development milestones, helping to reduce worry and prevent feelings of inadequacy.
For example, if you know that your baby may stop sleeping through the night around five months due to a developmental milestone, you’ll be more likely to see it as a normal phase rather than a failure on your part.
Strengthen the Bond with Your Baby
Beyond symptom management, counseling supports you in strengthening your bond with your baby. As you learn to manage your anxiety, you’ll likely find it easier to be present and attuned to your child’s needs. Over time, you’ll build confidence in your parenting abilities, making caregiving more joyful and less stressful. Bonding is a process that takes time, and it’s normal if you don’t feel an immediate connection with your baby. With the right support and skills, you can nurture a strong, loving relationship.
Final Thoughts as a Postpartum Therapist in NY
If postpartum anxiety is affecting your bond with your baby, reaching out for support can make a difference. Therapy for postpartum depression and anxiety provides the tools you need to manage anxiety and create a healthy, lasting connection with your child. Imagine being able to enjoy moments with your baby without overwhelming worry—this is possible with the right support. If you’re ready to take the first step, don’t hesitate to contact me at Lavender Therapy. You deserve a fulfilling experience of motherhood, and with support, your community can become a resource for strength rather than isolation.
Take the First Step Toward Managing Postpartum Anxiety
As a mother, you deserve to enjoy your journey into parenthood without being weighed down by constant worry. At Lavender Therapy, I can provide the tools and support you need to manage anxiety, build confidence, and reconnect with your baby in meaningful ways. Follow the steps below to get started with a postpartum therapist. Let’s work together to help you regain control and create a healthy, loving bond with your child.
Contact me today to start your journey toward relief and a more fulfilling motherhood.
Learn more about postpartum anxiety and depression by reading my blogs.
Discover how therapy can help you find relief from worry.
Other Services I Offer Online Anywhere in New York
Life brings many unique challenges, and we're here to support you every step of the way. In addition to postpartum anxiety and depression therapy, I offer specialized services to help you navigate through different phases and experiences. Anywhere in New York, I offer therapy for burnout, therapy for women, family planning therapy, and therapy for pregnancy loss.
