How to Manage the Overwhelm of Motherhood and Avoid Burnout
You can barely remember the last time you sat down to eat a meal without feeling rushed or swatting small hands away from your plate
If your head was not attached to your body, you’re sure you would forget that too.
You overreact to things more frequently and notice that your temper and patience are shorter than usual.
You’re having more fights with your friends, family, and partner.
Social media feels more like an enemy than a friend as you compare yourself to other parents and feel inadequate.
You are struggling but are convinced that you ‘have it all” or “are lucky” and shouldn’t feel exactly how you feel right now (if you can even find the words to describe it).
If any of this resonates with you, you may be experiencing burnout in motherhood. Let me be clear here, this isn’t your run-of-the-mill blog post about how “rewarding” and “magical” motherhood is. If that was your experience 100% of the time, you wouldn’t be reading this. And if we’re being honest, those blog posts and social media threads that present motherhood as sunshine and rainbows likely leave you feeling shitty and incompetent. Yes, motherhood can be all those wonderful things, and it can also be confusing, exhausting, unrelenting, and quite literally messy. The journey is challenging so here are some tips to manage the overwhelm of motherhood to avoid burnout.
Recognize the Signs of Burnout
The first step to avoiding burnout is recognizing the early signs. Unfortunately, many signs of burnout in mothers are normalized but common does not equal normal. Yes, sleep deprivation and forgetfulness are common, especially during the newborn stage. However, you are not required to experience chronic fatigue, irritability, guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy for prolonged periods. You may feel detached from your children or partner, struggle with sleep despite having opportunities to rest or feel overwhelmed by even simple tasks. These are all signs that something is wrong. Ignoring them only worsens the problem, leading to physical exhaustion, mental fatigue, and emotional instability.
Prioritize Self-Care from The Start
Unfortunately, moms are fed the idea that they should put themselves last and believe that caring for their children and families should come before everything else, including themselves. After all, a good mom puts herself last, right? While it's natural to want to care for those you love, neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout quickly. So what does care look like when you have nothing left to give? It looks like fights, quick tempers, and isolation.
The best treatment for any condition or diagnosis is prevention and burnout is no exception to this rule. While you cannot sleep and face-mask your way to burnout recovery, you can implement routines and strategies necessary to maintain your well-being. Routines and strategies can include:
bed and wake-up times
eating regular, balanced meals (i.e., eating protein bars, taking multivitamins, or meal-prepping nutrient-dense smoothies)
exercising
surrounding yourself with the community
Self-care may not feel like a spa day. Sometimes, it may even feel like a chore. However, prioritizing it when you’re not burnt out can help prevent burnout and make you a better caregiver for your family.
Create a Support System & Ask for Help
Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating, especially in today’s digital world. It’s easy for parents to feel disconnected from hobbies, social circles, and their identity prior to having (another) baby. This can happen as soon as the baby is born due to this major life transition. Research shows that having supportive people in one’s life is one of the best strategies to prevent burnout and other mental disorders like postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Supportive communities can include other parents in your community, online support groups (yes, virtual spaces can have their place when implemented intentionally), a book club, or a niche interest group. Regardless of how you get there, talking to others who you feel safe with can be incredibly therapeutic. They can offer advice, empathy, and support, which can help you feel less alone in your struggles.
Mothers also feel they have to do everything themselves, but this simply isn't sustainable. It's necessary to ask for help. Creating a support system can also give you access to people who are enthusiastic about showing up for you. Whether it’s from your partner, family members, or friends, don't hesitate to delegate tasks. At Lavender Therapy, I often speak with clients about their ability to put their trust in others (and fear of disappointment) which is typically the largest hurdle when asking for help. If you are finding yourself in a similar boat (i.e., finding it hard to trust that your partner will hear the baby cry at night, so you never give them the opportunity to show you that they can also handle nighttime feeds and now you’re sleep deprived), then speaking with a licensed psychologist, such as myself, may help you gain the clarity, insight, and tools necessary to break this pattern.
Set Realistic Expectations
One of the most common causes of burnout is the pressure mothers place on themselves to be perfect. The idea that you have to do it all – be the perfect mother, friend, and employee – is not only unrealistic, but it’s also harmful. Perfection is unattainable, and striving for it will only lead to frustration, stress, and burnout. Instead, set realistic expectations for yourself. Understand that some days will be more productive than others; give yourself permission to let that be okay. Let go of the guilt if something doesn’t get done – your worth as a mother (and human being) isn't tied to checking off every item on your to-do list.
There is also a looming “bounce back” expectation for mothers and it is not limited to regaining their pre-baby body. There is a considerable amount of pressure for mothers to resume their roles, physical abilities, and swiftness they had pre-baby too. You may struggle with the reality that you are more forgetful, take longer to complete tasks at home or work, or even recover from childbirth when the one thing that your body needs (and is asking for) is slowness and rest. As human beings, we continuously push against change when that is one of the few constants in life. In my work with clients, I help them embrace slowness, accept change, and distinguish between restorative rest and laziness during this transitional time.
Celebrate Small Wins
Motherhood can sometimes feel like a thankless job, with little recognition for all the effort you put in. To avoid burnout, it’s important to celebrate the small wins. Did you manage to get through a tough day without losing your patience? Did your child smile at you during a particularly stressful moment? Did you give yourself 30 minutes to rest in bed (that you would otherwise guilt yourself about)? Celebrate these victories, no matter how small. Recognizing your successes helps shift your focus from what you didn’t accomplish to what you did, which can boost your morale and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
Closing Thoughts from a New York Burnout Therapist
Motherhood is challenging, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By recognizing the signs of burnout, setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, building a support system, and more, you can manage the demands of motherhood while maintaining your emotional well-being. By taking these steps, you can reduce the risk of burnout and who knows, maybe there is “magic” to be found in the non-burnt outside of motherhood after all.
Reclaim Your Energy & Joy in Motherhood
Feeling burnt out as a mom isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’ve been giving your all without enough support. If the demands of motherhood have left you feeling drained and unsure where to turn, I’m here to help. Together, we can create space for you to breathe, heal, and thrive, so you can show up for your family and yourself with renewed energy. Follow the steps below to get started:
Schedule a consultation today to start your journey out of burnout and into balance.
Learn more about burnout recovery by reading my blogs here.
Discover how burnout therapy can help you reclaim your sense of joy in motherhood.
Other Services I Offer Anywhere in New York
Along with helping women navigate burnout, I provide a variety of specialized services to support you through different stages of life. Whether you're seeking help with postpartum and pregnancy challenges, women’s therapy, family planning, or infertility support, I’m here to offer guidance and care every step of the way. Together, we can work toward creating balance and fostering well-being in your life.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based Licensed Psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. With a focus on helping clients reconnect with themselves and find effective self-care strategies, Dr. Ruby provides personalized therapy to address the root causes of burnout. Dr. Ruby is also dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so that they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor's and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.